Jean has nightmares too
by Otencia
Summary: Jean has been having frequent nightmares about a certain person. No one knows until tonight. ((I listened to:Too beautiful by he is we while writing this and cried. ;-; ))


He rolled over in the bed staring into the dark, he felt his eyes droop and gently put a fist to his face. Sleeping was something he had started to hate, some of the others had nightmares didn't they? If they did they sure didn't show it.

Jean sighed and yawned, Nightmares where the things that where causing the bags under his eyes and the weak knees as he walked. Nightmares where the things making him work harder and harder to live. Live for the one he had the nightmares about.

His eyes slowly slid closed even as he pinched his thigh painfully. He felt his body get lighter, and his breathing got slower, and his resistance to sleep broke and he drifted off.

His eyes opened and he turned around startled, He saw a figure. He felt his hands already holding his swords and lifted them up taking up the attack stance. Jean felt his eyes get wide and his throat made a choking sound.

"M-Marco-" He left his swords slip back into their holders and took a step forward. He tries to force his legs to go slowly, to not run, to not launch himself at Marco. But he does, he bursts into a run arm out and when he gets close enough he practically jumps onto him.

Marco gives a small gasp and stumbles a bit. Jean feels tears fill his eyes so he tucks his face into Marco's neck. He tries to keep the sobbing to a minimum but can't, His sobs bubble out of his mouth like water.

Marco puts a hand on his shoulder, he smiles a bit and then hugs Jean tightly. Jean leans back and stares into Marco's face, his eyes, his hair, his freckles, him. Jean bites his lip not knowing what to do.

He leans forward and gently presses there lips together, "I-I love you- s-so much Mar-co" He sobs out pressing their lips together again. Marco gently kisses Jeans cheek as he leans back again.

Jean calms slowly, He's here...he's alive...don't worry Jean. He opens his eyes not remembering when he closed them to gasp and take a step back, practically ripping himself away from Marco.

Marco's face is half gone, gore and blood all over him, Jean shakes his head and stares. "n-no." He stutters out pulling his hands close to his chest. Marco looks angry, so angry, so hate filled.

"why didn't you save me"

Jean flinches and the tears start again but this time because of guilt and fear.

"I-I- Marco…"

"I saved you...I lead that titan away from you...and you didn't even care did you…"

Marco takes a step forward advancing, the more he advances the more Jean can see the hate in his one eye, on the side of his face that isn't gone.

"O-of course I did! I-I lo-"

Before he can get the words out hes being yelled at.

"dont! dont say that word around me! You can't love another! your selfish!"

Jeans reaches out towards Marco, shaking horribly. He can smell the death around him, but he needs to tell Marco its not true. He loves him. Loves him so much.

Marco disappears and he stands stock still.

"M-Marco?"

He heard a loud thud behind him and can't yelp but let out a loud yell. He turns and stumbles back sobbing again.

He can see the brows eyes he use to look into...the eyes that use to be reassuring and kind...loving even. There nothing like that now, there hungry, dead.

"Lies...you lie of your love Jean…"

Jean turned to stare at the other figure coming out of the sudden darkness surrounding them. Its Eren. He shudders as he's held under the gaze of those green eyes. He looks at the ground, not knowing what to do.

"I'm-I'm not! I love Marco!"

He mumbles i love you's over and over through the sobs as more and more voices join Marco and Eren's. All saying he's lying. All saying he never cared. Its a chorus or voice, the people hes seen die and the people he has yet to see die.

"Lying, lying selfish pig"

Jean looks up and Marco's right in front of him, he reaches out trying to take his dead face into his hands.

"M-Marco stop! please!"

Marco stares at him his eye sockets empty.

"I hate you"

Jean feels something inside of him break at the words just uttered from Marco.

He's woken up by a loud shout and sudden rough shaking. He sits up as lets out a loud noise that is actually a scream. He struggles to get out of the grip and in the process falls off the bed onto the floor in front of the person, or thing that was holding him.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Marco!"

Next thing he knows hes in a tight hold. He slowly opens his eyes to see the guys all around him, he doesn't even care that others are around him and seeing him in such a weak state, he wraps his arms around the person he now recognises is Armin.

Armin lets out a small noise but doesn't pull back. Everyone stares, not knowing that the silent sobbing in the night they've heard before was Jean. They watch as he shudders and sobs out the same name.

"Marco...Marco I'm so sorry…"

Connie comes to sit beside Armin and Jean putting a hand to Jeans back, being as soothing as he knows how to be.

Some others go and sit on their bed, just observing. Not knowing what to do, but they can all hear what Jeans saying...it surprises them.

"I-I'm so s-selfish...I let Marco die...H-He saved me and I l-let him die."

Armin and Connie kind of stop, they don't know what to do either.

"Jean…"

Jean looks up his eyes red and his face tear streaked. Its Eren. Jean doesn't even have any strength to make an angry face it him, he just stares at him shaking uncontrollably.

Eren gets down in front of him gently pulling him from Armins grasp.

"It was just a nightmare...its ok…"

Jean stiffens a bit. Eren...was comforting him? Hes not going to yell at him about how he has to stop...about how he has to get over it.

Eren gets down beside Jean and waves for everyone else to leave back to their own beds, so they do. Everyone lays down but doesn't sleep, they can hear Jean and Eren talking quietly, and both Jean and Eren are aware of it.

Jean doesn't care though, these are the people he will probably be with for the rest of his perhaps short life.

"so it was about Marco?"

Jean nods a bit to confirm Erens Question.

"I- I saw him...I was so happy…"

Eren looked at Jean and gave a sad smile.

"what happened?"

Jean looked back at him and licked his lips compulsively.

"I...I told him I loved him…"

Eren looked a bit shocked but recovered quickly, everyone else in the room had a shock too. No one had really expected Jean to feel for someone, and now that they knew that someone had died, that someone had been found dead by Jean himself...they felt a bit sorry for him.

"But...he…he said i was lying...and-"

Jean continued softly shaking again, trying to hold in tears.

"I let him die...I was trying to get gear from someone who had died...mine was broken...t-the next thing i knew-"

Jean let out a loud sob before gently putting a fist to his head.

"the next thing I knew...he was leading the titan away from me! The idiot saved me! saved me and I let him die! I- I was so scared...and...now hes gone"

Jean put his face down, pressing his knees into his eyes. He felt Erens hand on his shoulder and shook a bit harder.

"everyone...everyone showed up...they- you said I was lying...that I let him die."

Some of the boys in the room sat up, Connie was the first to speak.

"you didn't Jean...We were all scared, scared and all over the place."

Jean shook his head slightly.

"Its true Jean…"

Armin said fiddling with a corner of his blanket.

"Marco chose to save you...you were trying to survive as well, no one blames you for his death other than yourself."

Jean sniffed a bit and looked at Eren.

"I just miss him…"

Eren nodded and stood pulling Jean up best he could.

"I know you do...we do too...now, lets get you back into bed. If you need to talk again im pretty sure any of us are here to talk to"

Jean nods still surprised at the weird shift in way he was being so kind, so kind and calm...so helpful.

Jean climbed back into bed and watched as the others laid back down and got more comfortable. He felt his tired body begin to drift, and for a second he panicked before reminding himself: its not your fault...there just nightmares…

After that he drifted into a calm, dreamless sleep...for the first time in a long time...he woke up feeling determined to keep living the next day.


End file.
